Kinda' like a 'Weekly Om' in my case....stumbled on the "Learn and Let Flow" on Daily Om. It teaches us to find our spiritual awakening in the midst and times when we run short of emotional and material resources. Obviously, old school will teach us you can reach spirituality when you're poor but hopefully, nothing is in permanence unless you really feel you have to hold yourself from financial and emotional well being in less guilt for the suffering of others.
I can relate to this more so than before. If I had read this earlier in my life, I would have disregard it as a useless piece of write up....even if it had been from the Daily Om.
I think Pete is my living testimonial to what I'm going to say....but I used to be such a BIG spender....BIG BIG BIG.....Even if I was on London's nursing salary, I was always on retail therapy....Just on one afternoon alone, these would have been my usual shopping menu.......I would buy Marks & Spencer organics for din din, purchase Lush for bubble baths (daily like), La Senza's lingerie on a weekly basis, House Of Fraser's newest party frock(even if I wasn't heading off to a dress up on the weekend), Muji latest stationary gadget, Pier's latest dinner napkin, Accessories latest winter scarf, the list would just go on and on and on. As long as I had the stamina to walk for another hour, it was just shop till my feet conks out on me. I'm even too embarassed to tell other stuff I bought that was so unnessary....and we are not talking about collecting $3.00 food containers....
The worst thing was, just to make me feel better about my shopping affair, I would stuff donation to charities standing by in the malls on my way out. Terrible!!!!
At the end of the month, I realised I would have spent far too much. But it re occurs again and again. Pete would asked me what I spent my dough on, and I be justifying my need for every item bought....even the Lilo & Stitch dolls...I know!!!!! Absoloodley terrible!!!
I thought my shopping addiction would stop if I came over to Brunei...I WAS SO WRONG.....I just bought anything I thought 'may need' or 'might need'. And this time, it was food containers.....Terrible!!!!!
Everytime, I tried not to overspent, I feel I had 'shopaholics' withdrawal symptoms. I felt down in the dumps and was angry.
After a while, I only realised my overspending was just a way of consoling my insecurities(and boy! did I have plenty of that). It's weird, but I kinda' felt I needed to pile the pretty shopping bags on me just to feel 'good' on the inside. It was only thru' time, I slowly cut down on my shopping sprees after awhile and instead spent more time understanding 'me' from the inside out. It was like having myself as a 'best friend' rather than relying on materials or other emotional resources for comfort.
I just mentioned to William I have to keep budget at the moment, even though I do badly want to spend out on another lovely enticing yoga workshop.......But I look to this moment in time to self practice and contemplate...........
Okay, I must admit, even though I do feel a 'wee' bit spiritually better as a person with my 'ho's and hum's', I am with flaws still....and yes, there will be a few naughty spending sprees once in a while, but at least I'm not doing it on a weekly basis anymore.......I'm thankful my headstands has helped keep an abundance of prana O2 to refrain me from thinking haywired shopping sprees............
Like King George said,"What! what!" ............. a girl's joy isn't her inedible diamond ring, ......in my case, it's Meiji's Dominica dark chocolataaaa.....................
